Updated: Dec 14, 2020
As someone who has gone through my own personal transformation and someone who helps guide others through transformation, I have learned a lot about myself and people in general when it comes to pursuing change.
What I've learned is that when it comes to wanting to experience a different outcome to what we're currently experiencing, your mindset is EVERYTHING. And ultimately the difference between the person who gets the transformation and the person who doesn't is that the person who gets the transformation not only understands these 10 misconceptions about transformation but also accepts and expects it.
When embarking on the journey of change there are certain things that we need to come to terms with in order for real growth and results to occur.
Here are 10 Misconceptions about Transformation
1. New recipes are the answer
I see this time and time again, someone who's looking to say lose weight, improve their energy or overall health seem to be under the impression that if they just had some new recipes then that will be the ticket to the transformation they want. Wrong. New meals only get you so far. If you don't have a real defined plan or strategy that you know is going to not only fix the problem but also sustain you for life then you could be destined for a lifetime of experiencing the cycle that is; inspired, frustrated and disappointed.
2. Motivation or discipline is something you have or don't have
People who achieve what they want in life are no more motivated or disciplined than you. Neither are they more special. The difference between you and them is the standard they set for themselves. Set a poor standard, receive poor results. Set a high standard, receive great results. The only thing preventing us from setting a higher standard is fear and fear is the reason people view themselves as lacking motivation or discipline. Period. If you want a new experience or outcome, it's time to set a new and higher standard for how you want to show up in this world and commit to focusing on meeting that standard every day. The good news is, what may feel like a lot of work or effort at first eventually becomes second nature because you become a different person in the process.
3. There's an end date
I'll never forget something a client said to me one time that I appreciate so much and that is "I didn't know it was going to be so much work". So many people think that there's going to be an end date to their transformation. That once those 4-6 weeks are done so are they. This couldn't be further from the reality of creating a lasting transformation. It's kind of like the person who eats well all week only to indulge on the weekends because well, it's the weekend and somehow that gives them "time off" from their commitments. The truth is a commitment is a commitment, whether it's to someone else or to yourself, you have to work at it daily for the rest of your life. This is probably the hardest pill to swallow for people who are struggling to get results but it's the truth. It's not about being perfect every single day but it is about doing your best every day and actively working to evolve by overcoming your resistance.
4. The ideal time has to happen first
I once had a client say to me after enrolling in one of my programs, "you should give people start dates so they know when to start" which made me chuckle a little because there she was, already invested with the tools right in front of her ready to go but still waiting for a special "date" to start. Here's the truth, there will never be the perfect time to start something. The stars will never align perfectly. The ducks won't perfectly line up in a row. And the people in your life won't magically stop demanding things from you. If you want a transformation you just have to start. Period.
5. You don't need to invest any money
One of the ways that I can tell a person's level of readiness and commitment to their transformation is when the topic of money comes up. The conversation goes a little something like this:
Client: "I'm ready".
Client: "I'm tired of living this way and going about it all on my own without any direction". Client: "I'm so ready to experience my vision and feel my very best".
Also Client: "I'm more than aware of what will happen if I keep living this way and also how my life will be positively impacted if I change. The solution you have for me is just what I need".
Me: "Great! here's the investment".
Client: "I have to think about it".
Here's the thing, when people allow money to get in the way of getting further ahead they will allow anything to get in the way of getting further ahead. Money isn't the real reason someone doesn't move forward in their endeavours, it's them. We spend money all of the time on lots of things but when it comes to spending money on something that is going to require changing something over immediate gratification, money easily becomes the scapegoat for helping us avoid taking the next step.
6. It's going to be easy and comfortable
One thing I often hear from people is the words "I'm picky" as a reason for not getting ahead in their health. Here's what the words "I'm picky" really means...it means you don't want to change. Here is the harsh reality, if you don't want to change, you don't want change. The words "I'm picky" are just another form of resistance. Resistance is something that comes up as a way to stop our own growth from happening. It's the ego's mind protecting us from being a better version of ourselves because change is uncomfortable and feels unsafe to the mind. The key is to identify all of the ways resistance shows up for you and leaning into it instead of running from it or allowing it to deter you from taking action.
7. All of your friends and family are going to be right there cheering you on every step of the way and providing their support and encouragement
Ever hear the expression "when you face a crisis, you learn who your true friends are" this quote couldn't be more true. Here's the thing, we are a product of who we surround ourselves with and when we begin to change people are immediately threatened by that. Whether consciously or unconsciously. This is especially true if those people don't set a high standard for themselves. It sounds bad but it's true.
I heard Tony Robbins say "when you surround yourself with people who don't have a high standard for themselves and because you love them and don't want to judge them, you end up lowering your own standard to meet theirs". I've learned this to be true. If you wanted to get good at tennis you wouldn't play with someone who is worse than you, you'd play with people who are better than you. This is why you may find yourself feeling isolated when you begin making changes. The key is to connect with people who are just a few steps further ahead than you because it helps keep inspiration high and you'll likely challenge yourself a bit more when you see what's possible for you.
8. You're going to stay the same
"If you change your mindset, everything on the outside will change along with it". That's right, you can't achieve a different result with the same thinking that got you where you currently are. Even with new recipes, a perfect action plan, and the ideal time and circumstance, if you're not open to changing yourself, well you're missing the biggest piece of the puzzle. This is why so many people go back to their old ways even after a transformation. It's the same reason some people win the lottery only to lose it all in a matter of months. The outside changed but not the inside and the inside is where it all begins.
9. Your relationships and circumstances won't change
This is a tough one for many of us because change is so scary and the reason why a lot of us go our whole entire lives never experiencing anything different. To think we can have the transformation we want while still doing the same things we've always done and without our relationships changing is a little bit of insanity. Change is going to mean saying no to certain things you would have otherwise said yes to in the past and vice versa and whether you like it or not that is going to make the people in your life feel uncomfortable. It's not uncommon to hear the words "you've changed" from well-meaning people when you start doing things differently. It's the mob mentality that we have where when someone steps out from the herd, we can't help but notice and judge it.
Be ok with knowing that things are going to shift in your life as you do and that's totally normal. The key is to allow it instead of resisting it and surrendering to the discomfort. In fact, your growth depends on it.
10. You'll be happy then and only then
"What you focus on expands". How often do we think that our happiness is measured by having something or experiencing something? I'll be happy when I'm 10 pounds lighter. I'll be happy when I'm richer. Here's the thing, you attract what you are. If you're unhappy now and disappointed now that's what you're attracting. The reason we keep getting the same results is because of who we are being right now at this very moment. This is why I'm big on gratitude journaling and visioning exercises because if you can get yourself in the headspace of happiness now and fulfillment now, that's what you'll attract. This is how we get out of our own heads and into our bodies for real transformation and success. So be happy now by always looking for ways to feel good right now at the very moment and watch it expand.
Bottom line, it's your identity that needs to change, not your behavior and that requires; belief, consistency, patience and the understanding that "the day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit".